I hate Mondays. It’s not Monday’s fault, really; it’s just another day in the weekly calendar. Monday didn’t choose to be the first day back to work/school after the weekend. I don’t think Monday wants to be the much lamented “weekend-ender”. But some day had to shoulder that responsibility, and Monday was called up to the plate. Bravo for your bravery, Monday. I salute you.
But I still hate you.
Know what else I hate? The news. Seriously. I mean, you’re watching your favorite evening programs, feeling good, got a belly full of dinner, the kids are winding down (or maybe actually asleep!), it’s nice and peaceful in your house, then…BOOM! The news comes on. (dammit!) Death, destruction, mayhem, more death, and all the terrible things humanity can inflict upon itself shoved right in your face. Do they always have to open with the most tragic events of the day? I’m betting the answer is “no”. I’ve watched the news before. I know they have nicer stories they can share during the half hour they’re involved in your life (bastards).
Why not open with the pictures of the birthday party thrown for the local woman who just turned 105? That’s a nice story. Or shots from the recent dog show, or some other feel-good, fluff story? Tell me about some local hero. There are LOTS of local heros, and we all love to hear about them. I hate that sudden let down I always get when the news comes on. Usually I remember to change the channel to something entertaining just before 10 pm. But sometimes I forget. Those are not good nights for me.
I suppose there are people who like to watch the news. Kudos to them for being able to stomach all that death and despair so late in the evening. Me, I prefer to go to bed with happy thoughts in my head. Happy thoughts lead to good dreams. Crappy thoughts lead to no sleep (and with two small children, sleep is hard enough to come by).
The news should really go like this – happy opening story, local upcoming events, weather, sports, more positive stories, then end with the tragic sadness of humanity. That way, those of us that would like to know what’s going on can find out without having to be dragged down by all the murder-death-kills that transpired recently (yay for movie references). We can watch the good stories, see the upcoming weather predictions (which we’ll promptly ignore…how often are they right, anyway), check in on the sports scores, and then turn off the television or change the channel.
I know what you’re thinking…why don’t I just change the channel first, during the crappy news, and then come back for the rest. Well, genius, here’s why – you never know how long they’re going to talk about horrible stuff. It could be five minutes (if there was only one murder and three fatal car wrecks), or it could last for 15 minutes (you know the days, there were people found dead in three different houses, two gang-bangers were shot in downtown, three break-ins occurred overnight with one resulting in the death of the homeowner, and on and on and freakin’ on!). See, I hate the news! It makes me sad, and scared. I don’t particularly care for either of those emotions.
So who’s with me? Boycott the news? Yeah, I know, it’ll never happen. But regardless, I’ll boycott it in my own special way by running for the remote every night at 10, tripping over toys, dogs, children and a cat in a blind attempt to get to it before the first murder can be reported, and quickly change the channel. Who’s up for a little Conan?
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